MY FIRST TEACHER

1. *My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE*.
“If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.”

2. *My mother taught me RELIGION*.
“You better pray that it will come out of the carpet.”

3. *My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL*.
“If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”

4. *My mother taught me LOGIC*.
” Because I said so, that’s why.”

5. *My mother taught me MORE LOGIC*.
“If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.

6. *My mother taught me FORESIGHT*.
“Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”

7. *My mother taught me IRONY*.
“Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.”

8. *My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS*.
“Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”

9. *My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM*.
“Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”

10. *My mother taught me about STAMINA*.
“You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”

11. *My mother taught me about WEATHER*.
“This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”

12. *My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY*.
“If I told you once, don’t tell me I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!”

13. *My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE*.
“I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.”

14. *My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION*.
“Stop acting like your father!”

15. *My mother taught me about ENVY*.
“There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.”

16. *My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION*.
“Just wait until we get home.”

17. *My mother taught me about RECEIVING*.
“You are going to get it when you get home!”

18. *My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE*.
“If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way.”

19. *My mother taught me ESP*.
“Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you are cold?”

20. *My mother taught me HUMOR*.
“When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”

21. *My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT*.
“If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”

22. *My mother taught me GENETICS*.
“You’re just like your father.”

23. *My mother taught me about my ROOTS*.
“Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?”

24. *My mother taught me WISDOM*
“When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.”

25. And my favorite: *My mother taught me about JUSTICE*.
“One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!”

Sounds familiar… everyone ?